Anger

Learning to deal with our emotions rather than bottling them up is essential to our wellbeing and our ability to create relationships; but how exactly do we do that?
It is thought by psychologists that staying quiet while seething inside can lead to chronic stress, depression, low self esteem and possibly physical illness. And yet it is considered impolite to let people know how we feel, to keep our thoughts and emotions hidden inside is what we are taught to do from a very early age. Whats the best way to get rid of these negative feelings?

Maybe we should count to 10, remove ourselves from the situation and take a few deep breaths. Thats one way that will help you to calm down; taking deep slow breaths can slow down your heart rate. So many of my clients have said that only helps for a while, that is until “those thoughts come back”.

There is also a train of thought that thinks its healthier to let is all out by shouting, screaming or even smashing things. A few years back there was a train of thought that one way to get rid of peoples anger was for them to hit things – this was usually a pillow. The angry person would take a bat or stick and repeatedly hit something whilst thinking of their anger.

There is even a place in San Diego (www.smashshack.com) whereby you can go and pay for the privilege of being able to smash things. Its proving so popular in the US that we in the UK will be able to try out this way of venting our spleen very soon.
Googles and a safety suit are provided (we must remember health and safety whilst being angry) and a padded room whereby people can then smash crockery and glasses etc; they can even bring their own stuff if they so wish.

Studies have found that these kinds of techniques can actually make people even more angry and aggressive than before. The more they practice being angry the better they get at it ................

Anger like all emotions is there for a specific reason and is a signal for us to take action possibly change something and communicate to others that something isn’t right.

The old fashioned English way of keeping a stiff upper lip may even be damaging for peoples career according to research done by Harvard. This project tracked the lives of more than 800 people for the past 44 years and found that those who dealt with their anger were more likely to be happy in their life and career and enjoy closer physical and emotional intimacy whereas those who suppressed their feelings were more likely to have disappointment work and person lives.

So how can we deal with anger in an appropriate way?

Exercise is one way as the exertion will reduce adrenalin and any aggression whilst giving you time to think and calm down.

Another way of helping people deal with aggression and anger is to ascertain their strategy, what is it that they are doing in their head that makes them feel this way and teach them how they can change the way they are feeling, responding to situations that will allow them to let go of any aggressive angry thoughts; in turn giving them the ability to decide what needs to change to enable them to improve their physical and emotional wellbeing.

www.tina-taylor.com

I Love My Job

When I first started my private practice I considered a number of things – marketing, fee structure, where to work, building up my skills amongst others. One thing I hadn’t considered was working with children; and yet children are probably the best clients you can have.

They have no preconceived ideas as to how things work; if you ask them about the pictures they have in their head or the voices they hear – they will tell you. If you ask them to tell you about the feeling they have, they are very happy to explain. They can tell you about all these things in the smallest of details. They don’t want to tell you any details of their fears or worries and are extremely happy to work content free.

Many years ago my first young client was a girl of 7 whose big brother had let her watch the Exorcist whilst he was babysitting! If you haven’t seen the movie, there are scenes in it that I (who have seen many things and isn’t squeamish) don’t like very much so you can imagine how it could affect a young girl. When she came to see me she had stopped talking to anyone, wouldn’t eat very much and would only go to sleep if her mother cuddled her.

To her mothers surprise after just a few moments, she was able to speak; her mother said it was like magic. What did I do? I told her that I would take the fear away and lock it in my filing cabinet and proceeded to do just that. Her first words in weeks were “you wont let it out will you”.

She was fine until she got home and her father said “you’d better be careful it doesn’t come back”. Great thanks dad!

When mum brought her back to me the next week, she said its not the same fear and I showed her how she could shrink down the pictures in her mind. But she didn’t want to keep them in her head so she would put them into envelopes and post them to me. Writing on the outside “Do Not Open Fear Inside”.

Just a few months ago a mother brought her 12 year old son to see me a very quiet nervous looking boy, who just sat and looked at me. He didn’t want to go to school, and each morning when they arrived at the school gates he had a panic attack. Apparently this started at his previous school and mum changed schools for him as the teachers in his previous school said he was stupid and slow. This lovely young man had been labelled dyslexic and his parents were trying to find some way to help him learn so that he could pass exams and succeed in life.

He thought he was stupid and was worried that he wouldn’t be able to do any of the things that was needed; he had been to counsellors before and they hadn’t helped at all.

He didn’t think about school when he wasn’t there, got ready in the morning OK, got in the car and it was only at the gate that he became scared. He said he had a huge picture of his teacher (who he didn’t like cos she thought he was stupid too!) in his head and all he could think about was this women who didn’t like him. I showed him how he could shrink her and push the picture away, and they suddenly he laughed, there was a sparkle in his eyes. “Can I give her a donkeys head?” he asked. Sure I replied and he put her in his pocket.

“Can I do this with the other thoughts I have?” he asked.

I told him of course he could and he proceeded to sort out his thoughts. Till he came to a feeling he couldn’t budge and I showed him how to get rid of that, and change the voice in his head. Then we went on to look at spelling strategies .....
His mum was so pleased that he now goes to school easily, and is much happier apparently he is starting a “Worry Club” for others at his school so that he can help other children change their bad feelings; and he’s asking when can he do his NLP Practitioner training ..............

Please note that anyone working with young persons or vulnerable adults may need to have a CRB (Criminal Record Bureau) check; this is essential if you are working alone with the young person. In the absence of this check you will need a parent or guardian with you at all times. Contact the CRB call centre on 0870 90 90 844 for a form.

www.tina-taylor.com

Christmas is coming .......

Christmas is coming the geese are getting fat please put a penny in the old mans hat .................

There are so many responses to those words. I love Christmas, always have. Buying presents for people I care for, looking forward to spending days with loved ones, friends coming over, visiting, cooking, entertaining ........... parties.

My mother hated Christmas – buying presents, having the family under her feet (her words), visiting, visitors, cooking etc etc etc.

Whereas I view Christmas as a time for being jolly, having fun with friends and family all she thought of was the trouble it put her too and how much work it brought her.

Christmas is a time where so many people feel lonely, depressed, worn out, stressed – far too much to do and far too little time or resources. Many people do not have the model family and there are step brothers, sisters, parents too. All this can change your view of this time, as some people being to think about the problems; especially when there are all those lovely seasonal movies on TV showing how wonderful Christmas with the family is making people believe just how wonderful everyone else is feeling....................

This is a time when so many of my clients turn to “false friends” to change the way they feel – alcohol, tobacco and drugs. Then there are the Christmas Parties! Each year I am astounded at the effect of the Christmas Spirit – instead of just a few drinks to become merry so many people seem hell bent on oblivion. I’m not just talking about “youngsters” but people of all ages, in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and beyond. Suddenly otherwise sane individuals feel compelled to make such utter fools of themselves.

Coming down with a bump in January! Feeling below par after over indulging in food, alcohol, cigarettes and far too many late nights.

Over the years I have taught my clients strategies, techniques, that help them to copy with this crazy time of year; and for those who go wild through the festive season and call me in January deciding they need to STOP the craziness and keep their new years resolutions its not long before they are back on track.

For now the Christmas Cards have been written and are ready to be sent, and I’m enjoying the Christmas preparations and looking forward to the holiday season.

www.tina-taylor.com

Imagination

I collected my grandson from school yesterday, he is 5 ½, he and his friend were playing in the trees just outside the school, a small area of about a dozen trees with some bushes and undergrowth. They were having a fabulous time, they found some sticks and were using these to push their way through the branches. After a while a few others arrived, “what are you doing?” they said. Exploring a jungle was the reply.

When we got home, he asked if he could come up to my office with me so that he could do his work. I sat at my computer answering emails, booking appointments in my diary and designing a seminar whilst he sat at another desk in my office with my notepad pc and practiced his alphabet; ever so often asking me how to spell something. The little boy who lives next door was calling to him across the fence and he replied “I can’t come and play I’m busy working with Tina”.

A childs imagination is wonderful. I remember Richard Bandler telling a story about finding toy soldiers in pot plants in his house where his son had created another universe with his toys.

Our imagination can be used for many things some of them just as wonderful as the games created by children at play; and sometimes our imagination creates bad feelings, fears and anxieties.

I spoke to a 16 year old girl the other day whose diet was extremely limited. She lived off bread, potatoes, chocolate (funny but chocolate always seems to be OK), diary produce (milk, cheese, butter), chicken and fish. She didn’t eat vegetables or fruit – she could eat tomato ketchup (thats another that seems to get through peoples filters), creamed tomato soup and orange juice.

Her GP sent her to a dietician who told her what she should be eating ..........

She knows what she should be eating, but she doesn’t want to. Ever since she was a very small child she has had a problem with her food. Apparently as a toddler she nearly choked on something and from here decided that certain foods should never be eaten. She wont eat anything with lumps for example, and the food that she does eat she chews for ages before swallowing – this means that each meal takes an age.

When I asked her if she had eaten any soft fruits, I was surprised to find out that apparently raspberries had huge pips which made them difficult to eat. I hadn’t noticed.

On looking for something that she would be happy to eat at the end of our session, I suggested grapes but apparently eating a grape was like eating a blister. YUCK I thought that would definitely put me off. I then discovered her strategy for avoiding food, each food had a disgusting association attached to it. Her imagination had run wild for years stopping her from eating many foods.

A lot of people problems are caused by what they are imagining in their head, and all they have to do is imagine something different to change their feelings. Ah yes but how do they do that you may wonder.

Well thats a story for another day ............

www.tina-taylor.com

Can Hypnosis increase fertility?

I am often asked about my work with couples to help them conceive; some asking about the process wanting to know how this can help them whilst others sceptically questioning the effectiveness of hypnosis. How can helping people to relax help them to get pregnant?

It is estimated that one in seven couples in the UK have difficulty conceiving, what does this mean? A fast number of these people have unexplained infertility, in other words there are no medical reasons why they haven’t conceived.

There are a vast number of potential causes that can hinder conception, ranging from physical to emotional and psychological barriers.

A diagnosis of infertility, whether explained or not, leaves the recipient of the diagnosis feeling disappointed and some feel there is no hope. More so if the diagnosis is unexplained. My clients tell me that if there was some medical explanation it would be easier to tackle than to be told that they have to relax and wait for nature to take its course.

Does this diagnosis mean the end of a dream? Or are there things that you can do to increase your fertility and to become a parent?

Many of my clients have been trying to become pregnant for many years, and have begun to wonder if they will ever have a family of their own. Some have spent thousands upon thousands of pounds on various medical treatments, drugs, IUI, GIFT and IVF without success. Some have waited to start their families only to discover that it is taking longer than anticipated to become pregnant.

Regardless as to their diagnosis they all found that the process of conceiving was highly emotional and stressful, many became depressed at the prospect of remaining childless.

Unfortunately, stress and depression can also reduce fertility levels. Stress and depression causes changes in the body’s biochemistry and upsets the body’s natural balance. Many of these women found themselves in a catch 22 situation; worried and anxious about not conceiving and then being told they had to relax.

Over ten years ago, just as I was beginning my studies of NLP and Hypnosis I discovered that one of my cousins was having difficulties conceiving. She had spent years having various tests and operations to improve her “chances” to conceive, these didn’t work and she was eventually told she would never conceive naturally and begun to think of IVF.

There was a problem here too, as she was afraid of some of the procedures and this was when I found out about her problems. She knew all about my studies and asked my advice. It was very clear from our discussions that the major blockage at that time was her fear of the process, and as we talked she began to tell me about other “silly worries” she had too. During our discussions we worked on the various issues that she voiced and she made the arrangements for the IVF cycle to begin. Only she never made those appointments as shortly after our meeting she became pregnant naturally.

Hypnosis can help increase fertility by reducing stress, relieving anxiety, lifting depression whilst enabling clients to deal with the many situations they face through this time. Also learning NLP and Hypnosis techniques allows them to take back in control of their lives.

Interestingly, I have found that by helping my clients deal with their limiting beliefs, fears and anxieties surrounding conception many women who had thought the only way they would conceive was through medical assistance, conceived naturally just like my cousin.

www.tina-taylor.com

Be Happy

Be Happy
Did you know a five year old laughs on average 400 times per day, whereas an
adult laughs around 15 times per day?
What happens as we grow into adulthood?

How is it that so many adults loose the ability to have that inner feeling of happiness children feel? Remember the excitement you felt as a child? My grandson gets so excited when he hears the song played by the ice cream van. Or maybe the excitement you felt just before your birthday, waking up an "the day" looking out for the postman. How wonderful it felt on the last day of school, just before the summer break - all those weeks ahead just playing and having fun.
How can you tap into those feelings of happiness?
Adulthood brings many responsibilities and at the same time gives us freedom. freedom to choose how we want to live. So how is it that so many adults say they are unhappy? Stressed? So many people are taking prescribed medications for depression, anxiety, panic attacks and sleeping problems, how can we find a way back to that those feeling of happiness we had.
The way we think creates how we feel.
Feelings can't just happen, we need to create them and we do this with our thoughts.
My clients are often amazed that by identifying the thought process that creates them to feel depressed, anxious, fearful; and then charging this their feelings charge. By changing your thoughts you change your emotions. We can change the way that we perceive situations and this will help us to achieve a better frame of mind
I remember on my NLP Practitioner course feeling so amazed that I could actually control the way that I responded to things could be changed by using the principles and techniques of NLP. I had been given the users manual to my brain.

What is it that adults do of have forgotten to do?

Our thoughts are creative, most adults focus on the negative, the “what ifs” than focussing on what they can do. Children take each moment, enjoying the simplest of pleasures - enjoying he people around them, the moment.

By taking control of your neurology, you thoughts, you too can get rid of any negativity and begin to create a happier more fulfilling life.

Psycho-cybernetics

The world has been mourning Michael Jackson, an amazing musician and performer who sadly died recently at only 50 years of age. Theres been a lot of controversy in his short life about many things, not least the amount of plastic surgery he underwent. He never seemed happy with his looks and it has been said how he thought he was ugly. All this turned my thoughts to Maxwell Maltz.

Maxwell Maltz was a highly regarded plastic surgeon who noticed that with the surgery that he did some people were completely transformed. Changing their bodies changed their personality. Once they had the plastic surgery they became the person they wanted to be, whilst others, no matter how much surgery they had never seemed to “find their true selves”. No matter how much they reconstructed their physical image it was not necessarily the key to their happiness, something else was needed.

Once this something else was reconstructed the person changed, inside. He said it was as if personality had a face, and this non physical face was the key to personality changes. He believed self image is the key to human personality, change the self image and you change the personality and behaviour. Self image defines what you can and cannot do, so if you expand your self-image you expand the area of possibility.

Successful men and women have for years used mental pictures and rehearsal; practice to achieve success. For example Napoleon practiced his soldiering in his imagination for many years before he went on to fight any battles. Positive visualisation can change your self image; Maxwell Maltz believed before you can change you must see yourself in the new role.

Using positive visualisation to picture the desired result literally forces you into positive thinking. This exercise can help you achieve your best possible self; by forming a picture in your imagination of the self you want to be and see yourself in the new role.

In San Francisco two psychologists with the Veterans Administration reported on an experiment; whereby mental patients were asked to answer questions as if they were a typical well adjusted person. In order to answer the questions as a typical well adjusted person would answer they had to imagine how a typical well adjusted person would act. They had to imagine themselves in the role of a well adjusted person and this in itself was enough to cause them to begin acting as ……………. And feeling like ……………………