Be Happy
Did you know a five year old laughs on average 400 times per day, whereas an
adult laughs around 15 times per day?
What happens as we grow into adulthood?
How is it that so many adults loose the ability to have that inner feeling of happiness children feel? Remember the excitement you felt as a child? My grandson gets so excited when he hears the song played by the ice cream van. Or maybe the excitement you felt just before your birthday, waking up an "the day" looking out for the postman. How wonderful it felt on the last day of school, just before the summer break - all those weeks ahead just playing and having fun.
How can you tap into those feelings of happiness?
Adulthood brings many responsibilities and at the same time gives us freedom. freedom to choose how we want to live. So how is it that so many adults say they are unhappy? Stressed? So many people are taking prescribed medications for depression, anxiety, panic attacks and sleeping problems, how can we find a way back to that those feeling of happiness we had.
The way we think creates how we feel.
Feelings can't just happen, we need to create them and we do this with our thoughts.
My clients are often amazed that by identifying the thought process that creates them to feel depressed, anxious, fearful; and then charging this their feelings charge. By changing your thoughts you change your emotions. We can change the way that we perceive situations and this will help us to achieve a better frame of mind
I remember on my NLP Practitioner course feeling so amazed that I could actually control the way that I responded to things could be changed by using the principles and techniques of NLP. I had been given the users manual to my brain.
What is it that adults do of have forgotten to do?
Our thoughts are creative, most adults focus on the negative, the “what ifs” than focussing on what they can do. Children take each moment, enjoying the simplest of pleasures - enjoying he people around them, the moment.
By taking control of your neurology, you thoughts, you too can get rid of any negativity and begin to create a happier more fulfilling life.
Tuesday, 28 July 2009
Wednesday, 8 July 2009
Psycho-cybernetics
The world has been mourning Michael Jackson, an amazing musician and performer who sadly died recently at only 50 years of age. Theres been a lot of controversy in his short life about many things, not least the amount of plastic surgery he underwent. He never seemed happy with his looks and it has been said how he thought he was ugly. All this turned my thoughts to Maxwell Maltz.
Maxwell Maltz was a highly regarded plastic surgeon who noticed that with the surgery that he did some people were completely transformed. Changing their bodies changed their personality. Once they had the plastic surgery they became the person they wanted to be, whilst others, no matter how much surgery they had never seemed to “find their true selves”. No matter how much they reconstructed their physical image it was not necessarily the key to their happiness, something else was needed.
Once this something else was reconstructed the person changed, inside. He said it was as if personality had a face, and this non physical face was the key to personality changes. He believed self image is the key to human personality, change the self image and you change the personality and behaviour. Self image defines what you can and cannot do, so if you expand your self-image you expand the area of possibility.
Successful men and women have for years used mental pictures and rehearsal; practice to achieve success. For example Napoleon practiced his soldiering in his imagination for many years before he went on to fight any battles. Positive visualisation can change your self image; Maxwell Maltz believed before you can change you must see yourself in the new role.
Using positive visualisation to picture the desired result literally forces you into positive thinking. This exercise can help you achieve your best possible self; by forming a picture in your imagination of the self you want to be and see yourself in the new role.
In San Francisco two psychologists with the Veterans Administration reported on an experiment; whereby mental patients were asked to answer questions as if they were a typical well adjusted person. In order to answer the questions as a typical well adjusted person would answer they had to imagine how a typical well adjusted person would act. They had to imagine themselves in the role of a well adjusted person and this in itself was enough to cause them to begin acting as ……………. And feeling like ……………………
Maxwell Maltz was a highly regarded plastic surgeon who noticed that with the surgery that he did some people were completely transformed. Changing their bodies changed their personality. Once they had the plastic surgery they became the person they wanted to be, whilst others, no matter how much surgery they had never seemed to “find their true selves”. No matter how much they reconstructed their physical image it was not necessarily the key to their happiness, something else was needed.
Once this something else was reconstructed the person changed, inside. He said it was as if personality had a face, and this non physical face was the key to personality changes. He believed self image is the key to human personality, change the self image and you change the personality and behaviour. Self image defines what you can and cannot do, so if you expand your self-image you expand the area of possibility.
Successful men and women have for years used mental pictures and rehearsal; practice to achieve success. For example Napoleon practiced his soldiering in his imagination for many years before he went on to fight any battles. Positive visualisation can change your self image; Maxwell Maltz believed before you can change you must see yourself in the new role.
Using positive visualisation to picture the desired result literally forces you into positive thinking. This exercise can help you achieve your best possible self; by forming a picture in your imagination of the self you want to be and see yourself in the new role.
In San Francisco two psychologists with the Veterans Administration reported on an experiment; whereby mental patients were asked to answer questions as if they were a typical well adjusted person. In order to answer the questions as a typical well adjusted person would answer they had to imagine how a typical well adjusted person would act. They had to imagine themselves in the role of a well adjusted person and this in itself was enough to cause them to begin acting as ……………. And feeling like ……………………
Tuesday, 7 July 2009
About Time
Having just flown across the Atlantic time has been on my mind, time doesn’t really exist and yet we act as if its a commodity – Im sure there’s a name for something like that.
People complain about;
“running out of time”
“theres never enough time”
“I need more time”
For years people look for more time then just when they think they will have the time they crave suddenly they have time on their hands .............
Sitting on the plan having forgotten to pack my iPod, my entertainment system not working and of course due to that wonderful earthy law; there were actually a few movies I wanted to see! Fidgeting in my seat, checking my watch for the umpteenth time - I suddenly realised I had lost control of time. Each minute dragged by like an hour.
Now I know that every single one of you has gone through experiences of time distortion like this. Waiting in a queue at the bank the person in front of you hands over a bag of coins and they begin to count them. Time seems to stand still you feel as if you have been waiting for hours, look at your watch and only a few moments have gone by.
And times when you are having so much fun, those times you want to hold onto forever, just fly by. And when you have been driving on the motorway at speed when you pull off and slow down it feels as f you are crawling along so very slowly when you are actually moving at 40 mph.
Time cant change just your perception changes depending on the state you are in.
Within NLP one of the most basic skills we learn is how to control our state. One of the basic presuppositions being that we have being that we have all the resources within us.
As well as learning how the way that we perceive something depends on the frame in which we place it.
So how to get back control of time.
I reviewed my state. It wasn’t a useful one focussing on the entertainment system, moaning to myself about how there was nothing to do, how uncomfortable I was, tired, fed up ....................
The first thing I changed was my state. I thought about my destination. I was flying to Orlando to be a support trainer for Richard Bandler and John La Valle’s summer program. I also had some me time planned for retail therapy, relaxing in the sun and chilling with friends.
I made some plans thinking about what was to come. Ensuring my thoughts were full of all the fabulous things I wanted to do. Big bright colourful plans including all representational systems, sounds of music, voices; creating wonderful feelings of anticipation; fragrances and tastes of local delicacies all filled my mind.
OK now my state was different.
Then I focussed on other times I had flown and how amazed I was at just how quickly I arrived at my destination.
Feeling much more in control I decided to close my eyes for a moment and then we were coming in to land.
How time had flown.
People complain about;
“running out of time”
“theres never enough time”
“I need more time”
For years people look for more time then just when they think they will have the time they crave suddenly they have time on their hands .............
Sitting on the plan having forgotten to pack my iPod, my entertainment system not working and of course due to that wonderful earthy law; there were actually a few movies I wanted to see! Fidgeting in my seat, checking my watch for the umpteenth time - I suddenly realised I had lost control of time. Each minute dragged by like an hour.
Now I know that every single one of you has gone through experiences of time distortion like this. Waiting in a queue at the bank the person in front of you hands over a bag of coins and they begin to count them. Time seems to stand still you feel as if you have been waiting for hours, look at your watch and only a few moments have gone by.
And times when you are having so much fun, those times you want to hold onto forever, just fly by. And when you have been driving on the motorway at speed when you pull off and slow down it feels as f you are crawling along so very slowly when you are actually moving at 40 mph.
Time cant change just your perception changes depending on the state you are in.
Within NLP one of the most basic skills we learn is how to control our state. One of the basic presuppositions being that we have being that we have all the resources within us.
As well as learning how the way that we perceive something depends on the frame in which we place it.
So how to get back control of time.
I reviewed my state. It wasn’t a useful one focussing on the entertainment system, moaning to myself about how there was nothing to do, how uncomfortable I was, tired, fed up ....................
The first thing I changed was my state. I thought about my destination. I was flying to Orlando to be a support trainer for Richard Bandler and John La Valle’s summer program. I also had some me time planned for retail therapy, relaxing in the sun and chilling with friends.
I made some plans thinking about what was to come. Ensuring my thoughts were full of all the fabulous things I wanted to do. Big bright colourful plans including all representational systems, sounds of music, voices; creating wonderful feelings of anticipation; fragrances and tastes of local delicacies all filled my mind.
OK now my state was different.
Then I focussed on other times I had flown and how amazed I was at just how quickly I arrived at my destination.
Feeling much more in control I decided to close my eyes for a moment and then we were coming in to land.
How time had flown.
Thursday, 28 May 2009
Health and Wellbeing
Just recently I’ve seen on the internet various postings from people looking for help for loved ones who have a chronic illness. Through my studies years ago I came across Bernie Siegel and his book Love Medicine and Miracles. Bernie was interested to discover why people who he thought would die (he was an oncologist) lived whilst others who he thought would live died.
There’s been a lot of press coverage over the past few months with Jade Goody dying from Cancer, Patrick Swayze and also Farah Fawcett too now also have terminal cancer.
What constitutes good health and how do we ensure that we are healthy and if we do get sick how do we heal ourselves.
Websters Dictionary defines health as “the condition of being sound in body, mind or spirit; especially the state of being free from physical disease.....”
Medical science has provided us with various cures for illnesses that at one time were incurable; and throughout the history of medical research we have also discovered factors such as the placebo effect. People being given what was probably basically sugar pills and being told that they were a super drug that would heal them and they heal. Against all odds their disease goes away.
Various alternative health practitioners suggest that to be healthy we need to maintain the harmony between the body and mind and between ourselves and the world that we inhabit. To create a total ecology may necessitate an adjustment in other parts of our lives to stay balanced.
Health and healing often involve addressing several levels of change with beliefs being one of the most important and influential levels. If someone doesn’t believe that they will heal or become well that person can become apathetic and not take full advantage of the resources that are available to them. Whilst as demonstrated with the placebo effect if a person believes that something will help them they activate many conscious processes that contribute to their wellness.
Bernie Siegel found that those people given the life challenging diagnosis who decided there was nothing for them to do (even though their cancer may have been treatable) died. Whereby those who decided that there were too many things they were yet to do in their lives, those who began to make plans about what there were to do next with their lives – lived.
There’s been a lot of press coverage over the past few months with Jade Goody dying from Cancer, Patrick Swayze and also Farah Fawcett too now also have terminal cancer.
What constitutes good health and how do we ensure that we are healthy and if we do get sick how do we heal ourselves.
Websters Dictionary defines health as “the condition of being sound in body, mind or spirit; especially the state of being free from physical disease.....”
Medical science has provided us with various cures for illnesses that at one time were incurable; and throughout the history of medical research we have also discovered factors such as the placebo effect. People being given what was probably basically sugar pills and being told that they were a super drug that would heal them and they heal. Against all odds their disease goes away.
Various alternative health practitioners suggest that to be healthy we need to maintain the harmony between the body and mind and between ourselves and the world that we inhabit. To create a total ecology may necessitate an adjustment in other parts of our lives to stay balanced.
Health and healing often involve addressing several levels of change with beliefs being one of the most important and influential levels. If someone doesn’t believe that they will heal or become well that person can become apathetic and not take full advantage of the resources that are available to them. Whilst as demonstrated with the placebo effect if a person believes that something will help them they activate many conscious processes that contribute to their wellness.
Bernie Siegel found that those people given the life challenging diagnosis who decided there was nothing for them to do (even though their cancer may have been treatable) died. Whereby those who decided that there were too many things they were yet to do in their lives, those who began to make plans about what there were to do next with their lives – lived.
Saturday, 25 April 2009
The Power to Influence
Over the years I have had a number of career moves although one main theme throughout has been my ability to “get on with” people. Today that would be classified as my being able to get into rapport with people.
Prior to setting up my own businesses I worked in Human Resources sector, in Golf Club Management and as a Police Officer in Londons Metropolitan Police Force. It was as a Police Officer working in Londons East End that I became aware of a skill that was vital to my success, and safety. When I realised that I had to become a master of influence no matter what it took!
This skill has transferred over into every aspect of my life and has been utilised in each career move and interaction. When I did my NLP Practitioner over 10 years ago I was able to indentify how I managed to influence and also to improve on those skills.
Some of you may now be thinking I knew NLP was manipulative.
Yet aren’t we trying to influence, manipulate, with each of our communications?
• When meeting people for the first time, your goal is to get them to like you isn’t it?
• When applying for a job don’t you want to get them to employ you over everyone else?
• As parents aren’t we teaching our children good values so that they won’t be encouraged by negative influences they may be exposed to?
• As Coaches and Practitioners isn’t the goal to help your client achieve their best?
The ability to influence is the key whether you are selling an idea to your friends or a project to one of your clients.
How do we improve our skills to influence?
I have noticed over the years that age old expression that we get what we focus on or in the words of Henry Ford “If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right”;is actually right.
So the first thing to do to improve your skills to influence is to believe that you can. Once you have this belief then you will find a way, and your actions will lead to your success.
You believed you could, then you planned how, you took action confident of the result that you would get. Maybe you didn’t get their straight away, but that was OK because you knew you would so you continued adjusting using the information you gleaned from those first mistakes until you succeeded.
The person who believes in themselves is most likely to take action, and is most likely to develop the skills needed to get the result that they want.
Prior to setting up my own businesses I worked in Human Resources sector, in Golf Club Management and as a Police Officer in Londons Metropolitan Police Force. It was as a Police Officer working in Londons East End that I became aware of a skill that was vital to my success, and safety. When I realised that I had to become a master of influence no matter what it took!
This skill has transferred over into every aspect of my life and has been utilised in each career move and interaction. When I did my NLP Practitioner over 10 years ago I was able to indentify how I managed to influence and also to improve on those skills.
Some of you may now be thinking I knew NLP was manipulative.
Yet aren’t we trying to influence, manipulate, with each of our communications?
• When meeting people for the first time, your goal is to get them to like you isn’t it?
• When applying for a job don’t you want to get them to employ you over everyone else?
• As parents aren’t we teaching our children good values so that they won’t be encouraged by negative influences they may be exposed to?
• As Coaches and Practitioners isn’t the goal to help your client achieve their best?
The ability to influence is the key whether you are selling an idea to your friends or a project to one of your clients.
How do we improve our skills to influence?
I have noticed over the years that age old expression that we get what we focus on or in the words of Henry Ford “If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right”;is actually right.
So the first thing to do to improve your skills to influence is to believe that you can. Once you have this belief then you will find a way, and your actions will lead to your success.
You believed you could, then you planned how, you took action confident of the result that you would get. Maybe you didn’t get their straight away, but that was OK because you knew you would so you continued adjusting using the information you gleaned from those first mistakes until you succeeded.
The person who believes in themselves is most likely to take action, and is most likely to develop the skills needed to get the result that they want.
Tuesday, 31 March 2009
What do you get when you give your full attention?
I’ve been watching my grandchildren – well actually my grandson who is nearly 5 and how he gets the attention of those around him. Those of you who are parents will probably identify with this. First of all he says “mum ...........”, my daughter who also has a 14 months old is doing what a lot of mums do in relying on the older child to do for himself where he can. Second “MUM ......” this time louder, which may or may not get a response depending mainly on whether the baby needs attention. From here he shouts angrily and gets told off for shouting.
Its said the most powerful thing you can give a child is your attention and in todays society there is something about having someone focus their full attention on you. The next time you are talking to someone give them your full attention and notice the difference in their response.
Some people “listen” whilst waiting for their turn to speak, thinking about what they will say in response, but when you give your full attention to the other person its different. Its also much easier to notice their words, tonality, gestures, eye movements when your full attention is on the other person. I also find that by entering my communicating state, giving my full attention, connecting with the other person making the whole process of rapport, pacing and then leading the communication to a successful conclusion much easier.
When children have your full attention, they too are much easier to influence and far better behaved. Just taking a few minutes to give your full attention and really listen can give you so much more in return ......................
Its said the most powerful thing you can give a child is your attention and in todays society there is something about having someone focus their full attention on you. The next time you are talking to someone give them your full attention and notice the difference in their response.
Some people “listen” whilst waiting for their turn to speak, thinking about what they will say in response, but when you give your full attention to the other person its different. Its also much easier to notice their words, tonality, gestures, eye movements when your full attention is on the other person. I also find that by entering my communicating state, giving my full attention, connecting with the other person making the whole process of rapport, pacing and then leading the communication to a successful conclusion much easier.
When children have your full attention, they too are much easier to influence and far better behaved. Just taking a few minutes to give your full attention and really listen can give you so much more in return ......................
Monday, 23 March 2009
Changing Minds
When I saw the movie Rainman I didn’t know anything about autism and was intrigued with the “skills” that Raymond had demonstrated in the movie. Fascinating to think that there are people who appear to be mentally challenged and yet these same people have a spark of genius hidden deep inside. This movie had me thinking ........
The human mind is a miracle, there are intricate webs of light inside your mind that shape who you are and your understanding of the world. All through our lives the brain works to make sense of our experiences, thoughts, feelings, memories and ideas. It does so much and yet so much of the way our mind works remains a mystery.
It is said our mind is the greatest computer capable of much more than we realise, and so much more than we ask of it.
What happens when we think? Where do thoughts come from?
My brain is not the same as it was 10 or 20 years ago. There is an ongoing process of change that begins from conception from the very beginning of life and continues throughout your life time.
The brain of a foetus produces twice as many nerve cells as it will need and the excess cells dissolve through pregnancy. After the birth babys brain begin creating neural pathways – making connections that enable baby to see, hear, smell, think and learn. As baby begins to experience his/her world the programming begins. With each new experience the brain begins to adjust and create new connections.
During adolescence there are many many more changes as the cells in the frontal lobe (where we process emotions, judgements & impulses) grows and just before puberty too! This continues well into our early 20’s and probably explains all those mood swings teenagers have as they are literally changing their minds.
In a study whereby a group of adults and teenagers were asked to identify an emotion from photographs of people with various facial expressions. The adults did well but many of the teenagers got it wrong. The participants brains were scanned whilst they took the test. The teenagers used a different area of their brains, they used the amygdala – the areas of the bran used to access raw emotions and “gut” instinct whereas the adults used their frontal lobes and were better able to identify the emotions shown.
As parents of teenagers you may wonder why at times it appears that your teenage son or daughter just doesn’t comprehend what you saying, its almost as if you are talking to Rainman at these times it may help you to think of the changes going on in their minds.
The human mind is a miracle, there are intricate webs of light inside your mind that shape who you are and your understanding of the world. All through our lives the brain works to make sense of our experiences, thoughts, feelings, memories and ideas. It does so much and yet so much of the way our mind works remains a mystery.
It is said our mind is the greatest computer capable of much more than we realise, and so much more than we ask of it.
What happens when we think? Where do thoughts come from?
My brain is not the same as it was 10 or 20 years ago. There is an ongoing process of change that begins from conception from the very beginning of life and continues throughout your life time.
The brain of a foetus produces twice as many nerve cells as it will need and the excess cells dissolve through pregnancy. After the birth babys brain begin creating neural pathways – making connections that enable baby to see, hear, smell, think and learn. As baby begins to experience his/her world the programming begins. With each new experience the brain begins to adjust and create new connections.
During adolescence there are many many more changes as the cells in the frontal lobe (where we process emotions, judgements & impulses) grows and just before puberty too! This continues well into our early 20’s and probably explains all those mood swings teenagers have as they are literally changing their minds.
In a study whereby a group of adults and teenagers were asked to identify an emotion from photographs of people with various facial expressions. The adults did well but many of the teenagers got it wrong. The participants brains were scanned whilst they took the test. The teenagers used a different area of their brains, they used the amygdala – the areas of the bran used to access raw emotions and “gut” instinct whereas the adults used their frontal lobes and were better able to identify the emotions shown.
As parents of teenagers you may wonder why at times it appears that your teenage son or daughter just doesn’t comprehend what you saying, its almost as if you are talking to Rainman at these times it may help you to think of the changes going on in their minds.
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